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Fear and Dread

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 So what do I dread the most? Not sleeping! I have not gone to bed without alcohol in my system for I don't know how long, so will I be able to sleep? Research says it takes a week - not sure I can last that long. I lay in the dark trying to go to sleep - I must have nodded off at some point as my lovely dog wakes me at 6am.  But wait - I don't feel so sluggish, I am more alert than usual and I am ready for the day, despite having much less 'sleep' than usual. Maybe, I can do this.. Monday night is easier and as I work away on Tuesday and Wednesday, these pass with ease, drinking sparkling water whenever I might have been tempted to have a 'proper' drink.  It's Thursday - My partner has noticed - 'You aren't drinking?'  I say I am having a few days off, which brings looks of surprise and shock, but I stand my ground. 'Maybe I'll have a drink tomorrow (Friday) I say..
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Cold Turkey Week 1

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 That's it - I am stopping for a few days! I am terrified - if I am an alcoholic am I about to kill myself by stopping drinking? You know, all those articles saying you need professional help of you might go into a coma?? I have put all thoughts aside and having previously tried numerous non alcoholic drinks, I have decided they are too much of a temptation at the start. I am going to try sparkling water. Of course, I do my best to make it look like a proper drinks, ice, lemon and lime. It's Sunday evening and I have a couple of glasses or water and , guess what - it's OK! I ignore the strong desire in me to get a glass of wine or vodka and sip on my water until it is 21:30 - an early night for me, but I have made it without an alcoholic drink  -  Well Done me - celebrating little wins! Now the moment I dread the most.........
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Am I an Alcoholic? Shock

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 Having had some health issues, my GP ran a raft of blood tests, including the dreaded liver function! The results weren't terrible, but they weren't good and a couple of other random ones were abnormal - Seeing the GP in a couple of weeks about them! It was a shock although I have had abnormal results before, I thought I was invincible! Now I know I am not.  So last week I had a bit of a lightbulb moment and decided I was going to look after myself better. It doesn't help that a close friend has started to receive end of life care following a bravely fought battle against cancer.  I know she would give anything to be me at the moment and there I was pouring alcohol down my throat, damaging myself willingly! So I am partly doing this for her but mainly doing it for me.
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Am I an Alcoholic Week 1

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 I guess you are reading this because, like me, you have asked yourself this question on numerous occasions. I am not medically trained but wanted to share my journey to help you and others decide for themselves and have help and support along the way. So, yes, I have asked myself the question many, many times. I've always thought that I am probably a 'problem/heavy' drinker rather than an alcoholic. I've held down a full-time job I've brought up 2 children I've been the main earner for 20 years I operate at a high strategic level I don't (and never have) drink in the mornings or even at lunchtime - I don't like it! I don't need to have a drink - but I like to Once I start I struggle to stop I am in denial I rarely get  hangover My partner says I have changed from a funny drunk to an aggressive drunk Then I discovered the term 'functioning alcoholic' 'High-functioning alcoholics are frequently not viewed as alcoholics by their loved ones,...
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